Witch life has not been easy for me, but I believe that everyone who has a spiritual road can agree with the journey being challenging at times. However, Luna’s Grimoire has been challenging me for many reasons, some of which I shall share in this blog. I’ve had such a vision for Luna’s Grimoire over the years and in trying to achieve it, I’ve overwhelmed myself to the point of paralysis, stuck in this vicious cycle of wanting to do more, not doing it, feeling like a failure and trying to pick myself back up. This is a problem with me as an individual, because I always focus on one thing which is great, but then everything else suffers, and I have such great things that I want to achieve for some projects but never get around to do doing them. Yes, I’m very hard on myself and tend to not appreciate all the work I’ve already put in, but still, that’s no excuse for repeating this cycle.
Insanity is the practice of doing the same thing and expecting a different result. This applies to everything in my life. So rather than pushing myself to do all the things, I’m scaling everything back, and doing three things, and waiting to see how the whole thing grows from there.
As far as my spirituality is concerned… Well, there’s a whole paragraph on that in this edition of Luna’s Journal.
Goddess knows there is so much to do. So much potential, and I want it all. But the problem is, I look at many of the projects that share that scope and they have an entire team. Luna’s Grimoire is literally just me, Luna. It’s just me and the audience. And while this is great, it means that the workload for the potential that I want to bring to life is astronomical for one person. I want it all for Luna’s Grimoire because I think you guys absolutely deserve it. I want a full fledged social network, and a chat room, and all the bells and whistles for this to be a library but also a safe place for you guys. Then I realised that while I want that, I am only one person who runs a business and lives with a disability so yeah, I need to pace it. It’s one of the main reasons why this project has kinda scaled back and then projected forward and gone silent.
I have this tendency with Luna’s Grimoire to really want more, put it all down on the list of things to do, and then disappear on it. I just do not have the stamina to write for clients (for work) and then maintain two other big websites while trying (and failing) to write books, and then on top of that make Luna’s Grimoire into this grand idea that I have in my head. It’s not going to work. So, Luna’s Grimoire has to be manageable for me. I have stripped a lot of it back in my head, so that I can work with it in reality much better. Prioritisation is important, but working on client stuff, while it’s great, is not fulfilling. However, the urge to earn more is great, because there are always things that need to be done. But my soul needs filling and I need grounding and Luna’s Grimoire is the answer to all the problems.
I have grown so much
Luna’s Grimoire started more than 9 years ago. My entire life has changed in that timeframe. I am literally not the same person anymore, and that’s a good thing but I’ve grown out of the dark, rebellious, witchy stage of my life that dominated much of my teens and early 20’s. I’ve healed emotionally from my trauma, I’ve healed physically from my illness, and I’ve moved across the pond back home in the UK. More than ever before, I’m meeting up with friends, making new ones, and my whole lifestyle has changed. I once didn’t have a single piece of designer clothing, but now I enjoy the bits that I have. I’m not who I was when I started Luna’s Grimoire, and that does make me feel a little guilty (this is a massive empath problem!), but I have worked so hard in recent years and deserve to enjoy some of those benefits because when I look back at my war zone of a past, I know that nothing is forever, so I try to live my life when I can.
My entire career has changed too, and being a full time writer means that writing for personal projects seems like a chore, but something has changed for me in recent times that I can capitalise on and grant me that time. I now completely own my time. I dictate the pace of my life, which I’m still kinda getting to grips with because the pandemic was a bit rough but Goddess knows my heart is still in this.
My spiritual journey has been tumultuous
I’ve lost and found myself so many times on this road, and I know that all of you who have walked the path for more than a decade can agree that the road in the Craft is rocky and always changing. But the Craft isn’t a thing that I do. It’s not a badge of honour. It’s a way of life for me, which is why outwardly, most people would never even know that I practice. I don’t have bumper stickers or hang pentacles in my window. I am pagan in my spirit and that’s what this path is really all about.
It’s so easy to go to a place of worship, join a group and follow the pattern that everyone else is following, but paganism isn’t about that. It’s a journey of self discovery and it’s always evolving on an individual level, which is what makes it so great for the soul but so hard to stick to. The lack of routine and accountability can really cause you to stray in ways that you never really noticed before.
My spiritual journey and this project are also weirdly intertwined. When one stumbles the whole thing just crashes. So until I separate my own path from this website, which I’m currently working on, the world will know when I’m struggling to find myself, because silence is deafening. But here is the weird thing: when I get down about Luna’s Grimoire, I just jump online and see how many people that this project has touched over the years and that gives me hope for the future. This time around, it’s not going to be big changes, just blog ones. While I’d love to give you guys a social network in its own right, I can’t compete with the “big five” and honestly, I don’t have the passion to compete there either.
I’ve looked at what I loved about Luna’s Grimoire, and it’s writing and art. It’s spiritual craft. That’s what it is. I’m in no way a fantastic example of a practitioner, but I can support those who are on the path, or drifting, and have to manage a busy lifestyle, because that’s where my experience is at the moment. Luna’s Grimoire will evolve with me, so it’s goodbye to the dark themes and hello to more art, original paintings and more of my own words.
This witch life blog will be the starting point for the journey forward. I hope you guys can understand why I’ve made some changes, or why I’ve been quiet, and I am sorry for always saying “yeah I’m back, big things are coming” and then just vanishing when work gets busy. There isn’t a day when I’m not thinking of you guys, because I’m grateful that whatever you guys read here has impacted you in some way, but I am responsible for this, and my mistake has been to hide when I’m stressed.
What happens moving forward?
I cannot push a community because I do not have the time. The community here is YOURS. You manage it, you post what you like, you help each other. If you don’t want it, don’t use it, and if it’s dead, it will be removed from the home page. It’s as simple as that.
Better content. Luna’s Grimoire is massive. The scope is huge and overwhelming. What I’ve done is developed a strategy, much like what I do with my clients, to tackle new content and get old stuff updated. Better content on the website means new school courses and future books. So we do have things in the pipeline and I’ll need everyone to bear with me. Luna’s Grimoire is not my full time job, but I have moved my life around for me to make it a part time one for the next six months. This is my test to see if I can commit or just throw in the towel.
I am not a social media junkie. I am a writer. So that’s why I’m so quiet on social media and I appreciate that everyone else is there but this website is my outlet. So if you follow me on there, I’d appreciate people sharing stuff because I do not have a team of people pushing the content. And yes, many people who run brands have a team in the background. Don’t think they are all solo because I managed social media brands for a living; so that’s an insider secret. But please like, share, subscribe where you can because I won’t be reaching out on social media.
Okay that’s it for now. Let’s see how the next six months looks for Luna’s Grimoire!